DO-IT-YOURSELF COUNTRY & WESTERN SONGI met her __________ _____; I can still recall _________ (1) (2) (3)1. 2. 3.on the highway in September that purple dressin Sheboygan at McDonald's that little hatoutside Fresno ridin' shotgun that burlap braat a truck stop wrestlin' gators those training pantson probation all hunched over the stolen goodsin a jail cell poppin' uppers that plastic nosein a nightmare sort of pregnant the Stassin pinincognito with joggers the neon signin the Stone Age stoned on oatmeal that creepy smilein a treehouse with Merv Griffin the hearing aidin a gay bar dead all over the boxer shortsshe wore; She was ______ _____, (4) (5)4. 5sobbin' at the toll booth in the twilightdrinkin' Dr. Pepper but I loved herweighted down with Twinkies by the off-rampbreakin' out with acne near Poughkeepsiecrawlin' through the prairie with her cobrasmellin' kind of funny when she shot mecrashin' through the guardrail on her elbowschewin' on a hangnail with Led-Zeppelintalkin' in Swahili with Miss Piggydrownin' in the quicksand with a wetbackslurpin' up linguini in her muu-muuand I knew _______; _______ I'd ______ forever; (6) (7) (8)6. 7. 8.no guy would ever love her more I promised her stay with herthat she would be an easy score I knew deep down warp her mindshe'd bought her dentures in a store She asked me if swear off boozethat she would be a crashing bore I told her shrink change my sexI'd never rate her more than "4" The judge declared punch her outthey'd hate her guts in Baltimore My Pooh Bear said live off herit was a raven, nothing more I shrieked in pain have my rashwe really lost the last World War The painters knew stay a dwarfI'd have to scrape her off the floor A Klingon said hate her dogwhat strong deodorants were for My hamster thought pick my nosethat she was rotten to the core The blood test showed play "Go Fish"that I would upchuck on the floor Her rabbi said salivateShe said to me ____; But who'd have thought she'd _____ (9) (10)9. 10.our love would never die run offthere was no other guy wind upman wasn't meant to fly boogiethat Nixon didn't lie yodelher basset hound was shy sky divethat Rolaids made her high turn greenshe'd have a swiss on rye freak outshe loved my one blue eye blast offher brother's name was Hy make itshe liked "Spy vs. Spy" black outthat birthdays made her cry bobsledshe couldn't stand my tie grovel___________; _________ goodbye. (11) (12)11. 12.with my best friend You'd think at least that she'd have saidin my Edsel I never had the chance to sayon a surfboard She told her fat friend Grace to sayon "The Gong Show" I now can kiss my credit cardswith her dentist I guess I was too smashed to sayon her "Workmate" I watched her melt away and sobbedwith a robot She fell beneath the wheels and criedwith no clothes on She sent a hired thug to sayat her health club She freaked out on the lawn and screamedin her Maytag I pushed her off the bridge and wavedwith her guru But that's the way that pygmies saywhile in labor She sealed me in the vault and smirked
